Ambition Cannibalism

A reflection on feeling like I am doing too much.

I love a lot of the things that I do right now. I like working on the Foster Leadership Academy (a program where I help teach students about authentic leadership), supporting my students through my continued work at Fiveable, helping run the run club, doing schoolwork in an area that I’m interested in, working on improving my cooking, trying to learn newer skills, creating connections and maintaining old ones, and sleeping enough at night.

They’re all good things but the fatigue, unforeseen commitment, and last minute things all become routine when there’s enough on your plate. This makes me feel like each activity eats away at the enjoyment that I get out of all the other ones– hence the name of this post. The word ambition is also important because it augments the word cannibalism” in a way that implies that the root cause of this feeling is a desire to do more rather than an all-consuming lack of enthusiasm.

This is simply a long winded way of justifying to myself, and explaining to you the reader, that I am currently doing too much and that it’s time to step back (after I push through finals week and the rest of this school year). It may even be the case that I will enjoy the few things that I choose to keep in my life and perform and enjoy them at a higher caliber than I would have otherwise.

As you might be able to tell from the contents of previous set of parentheses, it will be difficult to forego the more is more” mindset that I was incentivized to develop in high school, throughout the pandemic, and in my first year in college. Yet, the prospect excites me. At this point, that’s what matters most.

December 1, 2022